Being Special

Being very special to someone in the first days, weeks, months and years of our life gives birth to the yearning for that feeling for the rest of it.

Is this life focus reserved only for First Born or Only Children? Would the Second Born ever have the chance to feel as special in the eyes of their grandparents, parents and cousins? Will Middle Children, or those born thereafter, carry with them, for the rest of their lives, those behaviors yearning to be noticed?

Even children born the ‘Baby’ of the family carry different mannerisms begging for the attention feeling special creates.

Feeling Special and Being Special are two very different things. The very circumstances of our birth dictate how this phenomenon will occur. Only Second Born children understand that being special will be second only to their First Born sibling who goes before them. They see it and experience it for the rest of their lives. First Born fight for the right to be as special, as they once were, to everyone around him or her for the rest of theirs.

Feeling special happens in the moment, on occasion, every once in awhile like a blindsiding moment one is unprepared for. Feeling special is something someone might work very hard for. Second Born children might live for that their entire lives as they grow. In school, with friends and in the workplace, feeling special is something to be chased and cherished as it, fleetingly, slips away once that moment passes. Some might spend their entire lives making sure someone else thinks they are special.

Being special seems to be a given experience for First Born and Only Children that is always carried within them. Wanted or not wanted these birth order positions give an experience that creates much of the personality of that child. There is also the cherished experience of ‘first time’ feeling for parents, grandparents and cousins as well.

Is birth order, then, to be thought of as that important in a person’s life? Books are written on this subject devoured by those who grasp meaning in their position in the sibling order. Each person alone can speak to the validity of that.

Only in groups of those First Born can there be an understanding of the experiences that came to them in the very early, formative years being showered with presents and most of all attention.

As life stress builds through the years and more children are born into the family the attention seems to be elsewhere. Groups of Second Born, Middle Children, or Youngest Children could speak with each other about the impact these birth order positions had on the rest of their lives.

So, as with any issues in life, sharing with another person is how feelings of alone and loneliness can be lessened. Longing to be seen as special is never more evident than when a person passes away who shared those feelings with us. At this time of year especially, many of us experience nostalgia for those who are no longer where we are. Whether we’ve lost a loved one recently or years ago, the emotional pain remains. Were we special to those who have passed on?

Let’s talk about it with others who understand that being and feeling special come from within. Hearing from another that we are special to them means a great deal. KNOWING WE ARE SPECIAL TO OURSELVES MEANS EVERYTHING.

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© 2016 by Debra Whittam. All Rights Reserved