Not All Men, Not All Women

Not All Men, Not All Women

Through the ages, until the mid-1800s and on, the thought of equality for women, that women could have a voice in decisions and those decisions would matter was unheard of.

Since the beginning of time, let’s just take the caveman era, most men have did what they wanted and most women did as they were told. Not much of that changed until the Women’s Rights Movement started in the early 1800s in England.

Here in the United States Elizabeth Cady Stanton originally from Johnstown, New York and Susan B. Anthony from New York City, began in 1848 with a meeting in Seneca Falls, New York to build a movement that would begin the change.

At those times women were jailed for following these courageous and brave women, but not all women. Most men vilified the thought of women being able to own property, having a say in their own children’s upbringing or whether they could stand up to the abusive husband or not But not all men.

The idea that all men are sexual abusers must be case aside. The threat that all women will take over and everything will turn into chaos must be seen as ludicrous.

There are men who, for whatever reason, are unable to behave. Some men, not all men, feel the need to dominate and control women or everyone for that matter. We only need look at the majority of people at the top rungs of corporate life.

There are women who, for whatever reason, are unable to behave. Some women, not all women, will deceive, manipulate, create doubt and weave a web that people fall into. Women also use sex as a weapon against men.

What are we looking at as the example of how to behave in society where men and women are increasingly finding themselves in similar roles of working parents, sharing the duties of home life and venturing into the life of social media that threatens to shatter the very lives of human connection any of us have ever known.

In the arena of politics we are spending time trying to weather the storms of someone who is like an alcoholic father. Our president, while he may have good ideas, cannot get out of his own way to create daily chaos. None of us is spared the daily shocking news of what is to happen to this man’s mind throughout the night. Like the family of an alcoholic parent, people are kept on high alert to prepare for the next decision that might put the entire family into peril.

What is the one thing that has kept people moving forward in this day and age? Money.

But not all men work this way. Not all women follow along.

What happens is both men and women are besieged with feelings of being threatened. Most men have been threatened by the power of women, but not all men. Most women have agreed with their male partners, but not all women.

The changes that have occurred in society for the past several decades show us that the old ways do not work anymore. In this day and age we are made to look at our darkness and difficulties learning a new way to not ignore or shove down what is happening right before our eyes.

We’re now asked to be pioneers, both men and women, to discover a new way to move forward when our very personal selves are broken open with every divorce, birth, death or change that brings people to a place where only drinking, drugging, eating/not eating, sexing, spending and gambling work to quell our fears.

IF there is no way to go back to our old ways of living with one another, and there isn’t, how can we imagine learning new behaviors to be able to be in relationship?

What is it that each one of us, men and women, can do to help and heal each other in this horrible time of chaos?

We ask ourselves, where is the fear? Who is carrying the fear in the family, in the relationship or in the workplace? Our behaviors rise up out of fear, every time. That is why is there are a group of men, boys or group of women, girls, the power in numbers creates an environment where behaviors might ruin an entire situation.

The only solution is to be able to communicate in a way that both genders are acknowledged to be competent, respected and admired for what they bring to every and any situation.

How can we do this? Only with communication between people, no matter the gender, race or ethnicity can situations be solved. We seem to stay in a state of non-solution.

What if there is no one more important than another? Some of us are leaders; some of us are followers, some independent more than others. We must remember not all men are a certain way, not all women are a certain way. We all come from broken people of a generation or two ago, who have no idea how to live and behave in present society. We have to be those pioneers who forge a new path without fear or threat.

IS this a massive challenge? Yes, however, living in fear has taken a toll on all of us, the reactions and behaviors of a nation bring only division through the threat of not being on top.

Let’s not fall into the trap of saying, “I’ve been abused by a man so all men are that way.” Or, “I’ve been manipulated by a woman so all women are that way.”

Not all men and not all women fall into the absolutes. Let’s talk about it.

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© 2016 by Debra Whittam. All Rights Reserved