During the Darkest of Times
I have realized my mission in life is to companion people through and during their darkest of times. Having experienced my own and lived through them all; so far; companioning others to chose life over death is my part of the journey in this world of ours.
Suffering through a descent into madness of my own, when three years sober, afforded me the opportunity to be exactly where I needed to be during the scariest time my life, the psych ward. What I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me; emotionally, physically and mentally broken, ended up to be the very best experience to learn and grow from. Choosing life over death is definitely a way toward transformation. I didn’t want to die, just kill myself. I didn’t want to kill myself, just die. If you can understand that from the lowest point of your life so far, you can understand all of this blog.
Anxiety, depression, addiction, often times propelled by a grief of some kind, can bring every human being to their breaking point, eventually. Untreated and unacknowledged, an episode of any of the afore mentioned can shake apart our world and inner calm. In my book, “Am I Going To Be Okay? Weathering the Storms of Mental Illness, Addiction and Grief,” the reader is taken on a journey of my own restless, anxious nature from birth until present day. Often the reader will begin to examine their own life of the high levels of anxiety and grief that had been passed down through the generations with nary a word from anyone as to how they had been impacted by it.
The message of this and any of my books to follow is, “Let’s Talk About It!” If my mentally ill, addictive, filled with grief self can become the person I am today, anyone can! Through mental health professionals, sponsors in 12 Step programs and my own willingness to grow and change, the answers appear in doing what is unfamiliar. Going back to old behaviors of what is sick and bad for me feels good because they are familiar. I have been able to see, through the years of sobriety and relative ease of spirit, that fear had ruled my life. All of it.
‘Am I Going To Be Okay?’ If there was enough alcohol, men, money, things or whatever, I would be okay. If I was alone, if I wasn’t alone, if there was plenty of money, if I had just enough money for bills, if I had the perfect house, apartment, ring or whatever.
In this moment, all I need is my meditation practice, my kids, grandkids, my sober friends and my reason for being. Companioning others through their own darkest of times brings me closer to God and my hopes for being as humble and grateful as possible. Happy New Year.
Debra Whittam is the author of “I'm I Going to be Ok?" For any media inquiries or questions please contact: Contact@DebraWhittam.com